“Big things come in small packages.”
I guess you could say the same for small towns.
I’m not one to normally comment on hot topics, but the way
this story is being perpetuated and the negative comments directed at my former
high school have really made me stop and think. I’ve challenged my own views
and thought through every aspect of the issue. I believe there are multiple
conversations to be had here. So, I decided to organize my thoughts and
opinions into this post. You don’t have to agree with me. You don’t have to
like what I have to say. The internet is an open forum in which individuals get
to express their views and opinions in whatever way they choose. It’s a
beautiful thing and we should respect the fact we get to speak freely about
these issues. So here goes…
If you aren’t familiar with the story, I’ll catch you up to
speed. Last week, a young woman who currently attends my former high school was
sent home for a dress code violation. After a post on Facebook from the
student’s older sister about how this was discriminatory towards women,
degrading, and sexist, the issue went viral. The high school has now come under
fire for body shaming this young woman and for enforcing a dress code that they
hold all students to. The story has been shared over 90,000 times on Facebook.
Popular blog sites like Buzzfeed and HelloGiggles.com have picked it up.
Seventeen magazine posted an article about it. And most recently, Today.com.
You didn’t believe me when I said big things, small towns,
did you?
· ·
·
When I wake up in the morning and go to my closet, I get to
make a decision right there about how I want to represent myself for the day.
As a confident woman, I take pride in my personal appearance. I’ve always loved
fashion and find joy in expressing myself through clothes. I’ve never dressed for
anyone but myself, because it makes me happy. As a marketing student, I spend a
lot of time thinking about my personal brand. What do I want the world to see
when they look at me? The answers to that question help guide me in choosing
how I want to dress on any given day.
This morning, I woke up extra early because I wanted to do
my hair and put on a full face of make-up. I put on one of my favorite outfits
and strutted out the door. I did all of
this FOR ME. I did it because it makes me feel good! And that’s who every woman
should dress for: THEMSELVES.
I knew that people would look at me. I knew people would
judge my outfit. I don’t really care. Like I said before, I dress for me and no
one else. When I decide to wear yoga pants to the grocery store, I accept the
fact that men and women are going to look at me. Perhaps some of them will like
what they see, while others won’t. Fine by me. Again, I’m dressing for me and
not you.
If you take the way I’m dressed as an open invitation to
comment on my appearance or to make physical contact, that’s where we have a
problem. I shouldn’t have to worry about some guy walking up to me and trying
to grope me because I wore tight fitting pants or a low-cut shirt. I shouldn’t
have to listen to your comments about my body. Just because a woman is dressed in a way that may be appealing to a man
doesn’t give that man the right to comment or touch.
However, this isn’t an issue that only affects women, but
men too. By saying it’s only men who degrade women is sexist to men. It’s
saying that it’s acceptable for a man to be turned on by a woman’s appearance
but not for a woman to be turned on by a man. Women are allowed to be sexually
attracted to someone just as much as men are. The same rules apply.
When I’m driving home from campus, I see guys running
without their shirts on all the time. They make a conscious decision to run
shirtless knowing that people are going to look. Men may choose to wear shirts
that are tight across their chest and back or their biceps. You think there
aren’t men and women who look and like what they see? Of course there are!
However, this isn’t an open invitation for physical contact to be made.
Men and women should hold each other to the same standards.
We may dress to be more appealing to the opposite sex, but that doesn’t mean
we’re making an open offer. If I want you to respect my body, then I need to
respect yours. If I don’t want you to objectify my body, then I don’t need to
objectify yours. And I expect the same courtesy in return.
In our society, we discuss this issue more when it comes to
women. But making the assumption that men don’t face the same issues is unfair.
We SHOULD be having conversations about this. We SHOULD be discussing how it
feels to be cat-called or inappropriately touched and have the way we’re
dressed be blamed. We SHOULD be teaching our sons and brothers to respect women
and our daughters and sisters to respect men.
We need to be fighting for each other.
· · ·
This brings me to the next topic: dress codes. There are
plenty of reasons why dress codes are implemented in schools across the nation.
Some choose stricter codes, like collared t-shirts and jeans only, while others
are a bit more lax. In my opinion, the dress code at this high school isn’t
that constricting. I would much prefer this dress code over a uniform or set
articles of clothing ANY day. It at least allows for some sort of creative
expression. As long as you stay within the guidelines, you’re free to wear
whatever you choose.
If you have a problem with the guidelines or have questions
about the process used to establish the dress code, then determine the proper
channels to access in order to get the answers to those questions. If you think
there needs to be a change in the rules, do some research, start a petition,
and bring your case to the school board. Perhaps the dress code is a bit dated.
As far as I know, the dress code is the same as it was when I started there as
a freshmen nearly nine years ago. (Holy cow, nine years?!)
So maybe there should be a change. However, the current
issue is that there is a dress code
in place and students sign an agreement at the beginning of each school year to
abide by that dress code. The school is responsible for enforcing that dress
code and handling violations accordingly. Teachers and administrators can’t always
catch every single violation. They’re human, after all. But when you do catch a
student out of dress code, you can’t just let it slide. If you let one student
go, then the next student is going to want a free pass. Rules are rules.
There were plenty of outfits I wanted to wear to school that
I had to modify in order for them to be “in dress code.” It was more important
to me to just hang the shirt back up on the coat hanger than risk potentially
breaking the rules and being pulled from class. I knew that wearing something
that the dress code explicitly stated I couldn’t wear would result in
consequences. My education was more important to me than testing the dress
code, so I made the necessary changes.
Certain violations could be handled without having to send
students home. I remember lots of duct tape. If you wore a graphic tee that had
an inappropriate phrase on it, you’d have to walk around with duct tape across
your shirt all day to cover up the words. Holes in jeans that were above your
fingertips were covered up with big pieces of duct tape. If your straps weren’t
wide enough or your top somehow violated dress code, they would give you these
hideous orange t-shirts to put on to cover up the problem. It had nothing to do
with whether or not you looked good in the top you were wearing. It had nothing
to do with your body. It had to do with the fact that you broke the rule.
The dress code at my current job is a maroon polo and jeans
or another type of pant. Shorts are fine, if they are at least fingertip
length. Workout pants of any kind are not allowed. If I were to show up to the
office in a pair of yoga pants, my boss would send me home to change. There is
a code set for us and my boss expects me to abide by that code. We have
students and patrons coming up to the office on a daily basis and we need to
look professional. It has nothing to do with the fact that I don’t look good in
yoga pants. It’s just not the appropriate work attire.
Asking students to make decisions about their clothing while
staying within certain parameters isn’t an outrageous request. It’s simply
encouraging students to take a moment to consider what they’re going to wear
each day. It’s preparing them for the real world. High school is a stepping
stone to college and a job. Your future job is more than likely going to have
some sort of dress code or standard for how they want their employees to
present themselves each day. What’s wrong with a school trying to set some
guidelines that reflect what students will be facing beyond high school?
Education is so important. We live in a world where there
are people who don’t get the opportunity to go to school. We are fortunate to
have access to public school systems. Dress codes are just one way school
districts try to create the best possible learning environment for every
student.
The argument that dress codes are only put into place for
the benefit of hormonal teenage boys is unfair. Teenage girls have hormones
too. If a guy came to school wearing a pair of spandex or super tight shorts, I
would be distracted. I probably wouldn’t be attracted to that, mostly confused,
but distracted nonetheless. It works both ways. Dress codes are merely asking
students to respect their peers and their teachers by following the guidelines
set forth so that everyone can have the best chance at succeeding.
If students were getting sent home wearing clothing that fit
all of the dress code rules but a teacher deemed it inappropriate because it
hugged the student’s body in the wrong way, then we have a HUGE problem. That
is body shaming. Some of these comments on posts about how skinny girls look
good in yoga pants and bigger girls don’t IS BODY SHAMING. It doesn’t matter if
you’re tall, short, a size 0 or a size 16, if the dress code says no yoga pants,
then you can’t wear them.
I know that the reason my boss asks that I don’t wear
workout pants to work has nothing to do with my body. It has to do with the way
we want visitors to perceive our organization. First impressions are SO
important. We were just talking in class today about how much the way an
organization’s employees are dressed can affect a customer’s opinion of the
product the organization is selling or the service they are providing.
We underestimate the power of clothing. We underestimate
what our clothing says about us. The person interviewing you for a position at
their company is going to start judging you the moment you walk through the
door. Those judgments are going to be based solely on your appearance. You are
in control of your brand. You are in control of what other people see when they
look at you.
As I said in the beginning, each day I
wake up and get to make a decision about how I want to represent myself. What
do I want people to think when they look at me today? I get to make that
decision for ME. There may be some external factors contributing to my choice,
such as work dress code, a guest speaker in class, or an interview, but I still
get to choose whether or not I dress accordingly. If I choose not to, then I’m
accepting the consequences of that decision. If getting the job is important to
you, then you’ll rock the power suit. If your education is important to you,
then you’ll follow the dress code. If you don’t like the dress code, figure out
how to change it.
It takes a whole lot of guts to post your opinions in an
open forum like Facebook. Even my hands were shaking as I finished writing up
this post. There will ALWAYS be people who disagree with you. We have to accept
that when we make the decision to voice our views on social media. Everyone gets
to formulate their own opinion, just as she did and just as I have. When things
go viral, you can’t control how the media is going to twist and turn the story.
The post did what I believe the author wanted it to do and
that was to start a conversation. However, I think there are two different
discussions to be had here: a dress code’s place in school systems and why
dress codes are created as they are.
If you made it all the way down here, I applaud you. This
was lengthy! I had more to say once I started writing than I originally
thought. I respect everyone involved in this matter: the young woman who was
sent home, her sister who wrote the post, and the school district who upheld
the dress code meant for all students. It’s been so interesting to watch all of
this unfold and I look forward to seeing where the conversation is headed next.
With Love,
Alex
Disclaimer: I believe the student violated the dress code item listed in the student handbook as: "Tight fitting pants and tights are not allowed unless worn under other garments that meet dress code. The hem of the
garment over the tights/leggings must be below fingertips when hands are held straight down at your side."